as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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