Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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