Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
