I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
what day is it and did you see me today?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
