They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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