two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
