I faked an abortion last night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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