PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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