His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
