he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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