He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
