So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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