i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
