Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
