question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We are all done wearing pants today
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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