I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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