how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
