Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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