I just pynch a tree in the face
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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