Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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