no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
