watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
