mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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