I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
