Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hippo gnu deer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
