I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
