i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
