what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
