I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
