Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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