You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
