I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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