so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
