i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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