By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Plan B is the new Plan A
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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