I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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