I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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