life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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