Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
