Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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