This is not my ceiling
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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