And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
