I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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