I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
