Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
