Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
