dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
smell my finger.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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