Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
