That's when you crack a 10am beer
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
