so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
do herpes really smell.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
