Your tits are I can't wait for
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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