your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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