i would punch a child for taco bell
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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