oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
