She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
