nut hugger
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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