I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
