We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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