I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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