I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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