Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
