Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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