I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My vagina is very pro this idea
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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