Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
