woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
