Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
