As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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