Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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