Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
