the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
