he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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