I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
