apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
try to milk me bitch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
