She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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