I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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