im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
