Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
