We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
