and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
