Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
