ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
