sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
they're like a gay fantastic four
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
