Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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