I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
