Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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