Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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